I’m always prepared for the inevitable conversation that clings to small talk. Where are you from? The cat is out of the bag the moment I say I’m from Spokane. [1] They digest the word - perhaps wondering why I’m pronouncing it funny - or correctly.
“Didn’t something happen there,” they ask.
Yes. Something did. Thankfully, I have a list of responses to jog their memory about recent events. They’re not presented in chronological order.
1. Did you read about a city plagued with sexually transmitted infections? Yup. Spokane has a problem with Gonorrhea. It’s kind of awkward.
2. Does the name Delbert Belton sound familiar? That World War II veteran who was killed after some teenagers beat him up?
3. Have you heard of Otto Zehm? He was a mentally disabled janitor that was beat up by Spokane Police officers and killed.
4. Do you remember a ricin investigation from May/June? The guy sent ricin-laced letters to a federal judge and President Barack Obama.
5. Have you heard about the kids attacking their mom with a sword to eat her liver? Yeah. That happened.
6. Did you hear about the columnist who wrote“anal” in a blog headline?
7. Did you see the movie Vision Quest? You know the 80s movie with Matthew Modine about wrestling? [2]
8. Do you remember that bomb attempt at a Martin Luther King march?
9. Are you a fan of Gonzaga basketball?
[1] I’m not actually from Spokane, but I spent my post-college life there. I grew up in Woodinville, Washington. [2] So, it’s not actually a current event but rather an important element of Spokane culture.